10 Years Later

March 4th, 2005.

That is the day that Kelsey Wood died. Kelsey and I were great friends and her death rocked my world, as it did for everyone who knew her. When Kelsey died I grieved. I did what most thirteen year olds in that situation would have done, I think. I cried, I hugged family and friends, and I remembered. I still remember arriving at the hospital just after she'd passed....

I remember five years later in March of 2010; I was getting ready to graduate from high school. I remember crying that week because all I could think about was injustice. I was going to graduate. I was going to college. I was living. Why not her?

These thoughts often plagued me as the years after Kelsey's death passed. Why was I given more time?

Obviously I don't have the answers, I didn't then and I don't now. But ten years have passed, and I've grown up. I've lived. 

People like to tell us that time heals all wounds. That if we just give it some time, the pain will go away. 

I completely and totally disagree. 

Kelsey isn't the only person close to me I've lost; she wasn't even the first one. Each time I lose someone it leaves a fresh hole. Time helps, but not in the way people tend to say it does. Time doesn't heal the wounds; it doesn't make the pain go away. Time just numbs me; it teaches me to live with this new ache in my heart. It's like when you get in super cold water that is super cold. At first it stings and you tighten up. But eventually your body adjusts. The water is just as cold as it was before, but you're getting used to the feeling. 

10 Years Later, I still miss Kelsey. I still don't understand the injustice of her death. I still remember her laugh and her unusual wisdom. 

10 Years Later, and I have finally accepted the pain.