Of Course I Want A Cookie

[This is not a blanket statement about all people who struggle with weight and body image. This is specifically about me. Some of it may be extrapolated and applied to others, but none of it is applicable to everyone, except the love :)]

"God doesn't make mistakes. Love the way you are." 

"God made you perfect just the way you are." 

"Love your body type." 

All good/true things, at least in some aspect. But here's the thing..some of us [raises hand and points at self] have a tendency to hear these statements and take them to mean that my weight problem is totally okay. God just made me fat...or at least fatter than average...really I should say fatter than healthy because the American average isn't healthy.  

Well, I'm sorry, but He didn't. God didn't make me fat. He didn't make me as this unhealthy person who was doomed to be chubby and unhappy with my appearance. Yes, He gave me a slow metabolism, but that's just a challenge like any other He uses to help us grow. 

I'm the one who took the healthy body God gave me and mistreated it. I abused it, fed it garbage and grease for years until I literally weighed as much as a grown man (despite being a 5'5" girl). I didn't fuel my body; I fed my appetite for sugar and fries. I didn't exercise regularly and strengthen my muscles; I watched Netflix regularly and let my muscles weaken. 

God did not give me the body I have. I turned the body He gave me into this...lets go with full-figured...I made myself this full-figured girl..um, woman? Whatever, you get the point.

Me at my cousin's wedding, at my heaviest just before starting this journey...I would
have started earlier, but I didn't want to steal the spotlight ;) lol, just kidding.

So now I'm trying to fix it. I'm eating better and working out, and I'm trying to chisel away all the damage I did to the beautiful creation God blessed me with. 

I must also say that most people tend toward extremes, and when it comes to our diet, neither extreme is healthy. Eating fried fast food constantly and being obese isn't good for you. But neither is starving yourself and being stick thin. Health is about balance. And it's about understanding our bodies and what is healthy.

Most doctors agree that a healthy adult my height should have a BMI between 19 and 24. Y'all, mine was in the low THIRTIES! That isn't healthy even if I look average!

So when people offer me a cookie or some chips, and I turn them down, I'm not trying to be rude. Of course I want the cookie, but I want to be healthy more. I'm also not starving myself or depriving myself of the so-called pleasures in life. Chances are I had some fruit earlier and I'm doing just fine.

When people look at me and hear that I'm on a diet, that I've lost 30 pounds and I'm not done yet, they legitimately argue with me. They say I'm being unhealthy, that I don't need to lose anymore. Our society's views of health are just so skewed. I've done the research; I know the science; I promise, I'm still not in the healthy weight range for my body type, but I'm almost there.

Before I finish, I have got to tell you, I legitimately feel so much better now! I took a break from dieting for the holidays, and by the time I was getting ready to start back up again, my body was actually craving vegetables! I don't even like most vegetables, but my body was telling me it missed being fueled. And the other day I had a crappy day, like crying off and on all day for basically no reason other than it was Monday. You know when my day finally got better? When I went for a run! Yea, being healthy sucks at first, but after a while your body actually starts to crave it, and that makes it easier and more fulfilling!

This is me, post workout, last week :) Looking all happy and feeling good.